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Cat Defender

Exposing the Lies and Crimes of Bird Advocates, Wildlife Biologists, the United States Fish and Wildlife Service, PETA, the Humane Society of the United States, Exterminators, Vivisectors, the Scientific Community, Fur Traffickers, Cloners, Breeders, Designer Pet Purveyors, Hoarders, Motorists, the United States Military, and Other Ailurophobes

Monday, September 22, 2008

New Jersey at Long Last Has at Least One Honest Public Servant and Her Name Is Caloo from Carlstadt

"It's very nice having her in the office because she comes up and sits on the desk. She loves to chase the mouse on the computer screen and watches paper being printed."
-- Jane Fontana

When it comes to harboring crooked and sleazy politicians within its bosom Wall Street and Washington have nothing on New Jersey. In addition to being populated with bigots of every imaginable stripe, plantation owners galore, enough polluters to foul all of North America, and gangsters doing business on every corner, local and state government is a teeming cesspool of no-show jobs and shady deals whereby the public interest in divvied up and sold off piece by piece to the highest bidder.

The tiny city of Carlstadt, located sixteen kilometers west of Gotham, recently took a bold step to change all of that by recruiting some new blood. Its newest addition to city government is a young female who is known for her unimpeachable integrity, impeccable manners, and bon sens.

She cares absolutely nothing at all for either power or money. An unattended platter of sardines topped off with a dash of sour cream could conceivably present an ethical challenge but that is of no consequence.

As far as vices are concerned, she scarcely knows the meaning of the word. She rarely ever takes a tipple and when she does it is almost always from a milk bottle. Circumspect to a fault in both her toilet and relations with the opposite sex, it is highly unlikely that there is anything in her private life that would pique the interest of the scandalmongers at either the National Inquirer or the New York Post.

To say that she is a cut above the average politician is to understate the case; in reality, she is a breed apart. Her name is Caloo and she is a four-month-old black, brown, and white cat with strikingly beautiful green eyes. (See photo above.)

With the American public thoroughly fed up with mendacious and feckless politicians and in desperate need of a hero, Caloo strolled nonchalantly into Borough Hall back in August. As it was to be expected in these decadent and inhumane times, she was promptly taken into custody by the police and Animal Control was summoned.

For most stray cats that would have been the end of the line. She would have been transported to a shelter where she would have been killed either immediately upon arrival or shortly thereafter.

The Fates were on Caloo's side this time around in that Borough Administrator Jane Fontana got to her before the knackers arrived. She took one look at the attractive female and that was all it took. It was love at first sight for Fontana and an eleventh-hour reprieve for Caloo.

Animal Control was told in no uncertain terms to look elsewhere for its daily quota of feline blood and Fontana installed Caloo in her office. It was shortly thereafter that she discovered that her new office mate had a peculiar fondness for croissants.

"Every morning, I come into work with a croissant and my coffee, and Caloo is very, very, very attracted to that croissant," Fontana told The Leader of Lyndhurst on September 16th. (See "Furry Feline Joins Carlstadt Council.") "One time she worked her way into my bag and helped herself."

Based upon that, Fontana concluded that the moggy surely must have a few drops of French blood flowing in her veins and therefore named her Caloo.

The cat remained with Fontana in her office for a week while she anxiously waited to see if anyone would come forward to claim her. When no one did she took the matter to the borough council who on September 4th voted unanimously to adopt Caloo as "The Carlstadt Cat."

She spends the bulk of her time in her rescuer's office although she is free to roam about council and caucus chambers even during meetings. Her weekends are spent at Fontana's residence.

"It's very nice having her in the office because she comes up and sits on the desk," Fontana told The Leader in the article cited supra. "She loves to chase the mouse on the computer screen and watches paper being printed."

That is not surprising in that more and more cats are displaying an interest in the Internet these days. They reportedly are being attracted to cyberspace because of erroneous reports of a rodent infestation plaguing the system.

While there may be a scarcity of mice on the World Wide Web, there certainly are plenty of big, fat rats in form of spammers, phishers, hackers, and governmental snoops. Nevertheless, the cats' willingness to be of assistance is much appreciated.

The council's decision to add Caloo of the town's management team was fully endorsed by Mayor William J. Roseman. "She is very friendly, and I think people in town will like her because the town is very animal-oriented," he told The Leader.

That is certainly the case in that the Department of Public Works shelters a dog named Louise that it adopted more than ten years ago.

The willingness of municipal entities to provide homes for cats and dogs is definitely a positive development. A few years back, the California town of El Cerrito similarly took in a cat named Bootsie. (See Cat Defender post of March 20, 2007 entitled "El Cerrito's Bureaucrats Distinguish Themselves by Showing Compassion for a Waif Known as Bootsie.")

Sadly, there are other cities, such as Columbus, Ohio, who only use, abuse, and kill cats. (See Cat Defender post of October 20, 2005 entitled "After Ridding Ohio Statehouse of Rats, Cats Now Find Themselves Facing Eviction.")

In addition to providing free pest control and companionship, Caloo can teach the politicians in Carlstadt a few things if they are not too stiff-necked and will open up their minds. Besides, as poet Christopher Smart once observed, just staring at a cat will fertilize the mind.

Photo: Alexis Tarrazi of The Leader.